Why I Say Full-Time Parent instead of Stay at Home Mom
First of all, there’s often little “staying home” as a SAHM/D.
Some of the happiest couples I have come across have been couples where both people have had the experience of primary caregiver and out-of the-home-worker.
It’s a unique setup, but even for a short period of time, having this experience can help partners relate to one another’s daily challenges and wins in a super genuine way. Spoiler alert: both are hard AF, and if you disagree, you probably haven’t had enough of a chance to do one of them.
In my short forays into full-time motherhood (5 months after my first daughter was born, 3 months when she was 1, and 4 months after my second), my professional viewpoint of SAHM life was absolutely confirmed…tenfold. Being a SAHM is no joke. Whatsoever. I had already started adopting the language of “full-time-mom” because “stay-at-home-mom” just didn’t seem to encapsulate the difficulty and dignity of the parent responsible for the home and childcare related tasks on a daily basis.
“Stay-at-home-mom” doesn’t do my own mother justice, and after seeing my clients live it, and experiencing it myself, I knew it was time for a language shift.
Here’s why you’ll find me choosing to refer to full-time caregivers as “full-time-parents” or “full-time-moms/dads” instead of “SAHM/D.”
“Full-time” recognizes the active hours spent during the day doing the work of caregiving, just like a paid job. “Stay” is really not part of the description when there children around and home tasks to do.
Full-time parents don’t stay at home. They’re at the zoo, the grocery store, the park, the dentist, you name it. They best get credit for wrangling the little rascals in and out of the carseat and lugging all the gear they require while sweating and listening to the same requested song on repeat.
It’s more gender-neutral and encourages more equal parenting, which is great for men, but even better for women. There have been stay-at-home-dads for a long time. However, the lack of dignified language around this work has likely caused a lot of dads who would be fantastic primary caregivers to skip out on the role due to pride. Let’s make the language more empowering, and maybe we’ll see more dads choosing this route, allowing moms to pursue their career dreams.
Perhaps one person can’t make a language change that ripples across society, but it won’t stop me from trying. If this resonates with you, see how it feels to start using “full-time-parent” in place of SAHM/D. If you get pushback, I bet it won’t be from someone who is a full-time parent…
